Thirty-ness
I’ve been thirty for a little over 38 hours now. I think I’m getting better at it all the time.
Getting older has never really freaked me out, at least not in and of itself. There are certain goals I’ve had, arbitrary deadlines I’ve set for myself, that have given me a bit of stress (i.e. married by thirty – I managed to squeak that one out,) but aging doesn’t bother me. I’ve never understood that whole “this is my eighth thirtieth birthday” thing, and I get frustrated when I look for birthday cards for friends and only find the kinds of cards that suggest that aging is a fate worse than death.
Personally, I’ve been looking forward to my thirties with a ravenous desire. I found my twenties to be…unfulfilling. Don’t get me wrong – some awesome things happened in my twenties. I started knitting, met and married Bradon, started this blog, made some fantastic friends…all good things. Nonetheless, when I think about my twenties I find myself reminiscing on a whole bunch of suckitude. Four years at a college I hated, a fair amount of backstabbing, anxiety and depression, and a seemingly endless bout of angst and drama revolving around figuring out who I am and what I want. My twenties were not what I expected – friendships did not go the way I expected, my career did not go the way I expected, relationships did not go the way I expected, and instead of feeling all grown up and capable, I spent most of my twenties feeling like I was shoveling sand with a seive.
So I am, presumably, older and wiser now. I have come to the conclusion that my mother was right. I have worked to treat my anxiety and depression. I have thought and written and tried to figure out my priorities. I have realized that there is no control, no safety, no security…and that’s okay. I have become disgusted with my fear and the tiny, quiet life it is making me live.
I have no grand plans. I have no sweeping resolutions. I am thirty, and the only goal I will set for the next ten years is that I want to start a family. Beyond that, I am open. I have a husband I love dearly, friends all over the world who are precious to me, enough resources to get by, and nothing but hope for the years to come. I am willing to see what the universe has in store for me. I dont expect that I will be extraordinary, or fearless, or endlessly happy – I expect that I will be me, and that it will be good.
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1Carole
wrote on 22 April 2009 at 2:43
Your attitude is fantastic and I bet your thirties will be, too. Happy Birthday!
2Gretta Stephens
wrote on 22 April 2009 at 4:03
Happy birthday. You have done well to have worked out so many secrets of living a happy life so early on.
Don’t worry about the party, you can have a “do over”. I had my 40th party on my 41st bithday because the original sucked, the second one was everything I hoped for.
3Katie
wrote on 22 April 2009 at 4:07
You are one of the only people I know, other than myself, who is excited about turning thirty (and 31, in my case). I look at my twenties as a time of growth and personal exploration and now I know where I am and where I want to go with my life and I have the rest of my life to do it. Our thirties are going to be awesome.
4Anne
wrote on 22 April 2009 at 4:08
I think it’s very healthy not to have grand plans. Daily striving on a small scale seems to suit me better too.
5Chris
wrote on 22 April 2009 at 5:00
Totally sounds like you’re on the right track. I think the 30s were much, much better than the 20s. Something that people can tell you but I don’t think you can really totally comprehend is that you become more and more your self with each year – less concerned with what others think about you. It’s remarkably freeing.
6Carrie
wrote on 22 April 2009 at 5:25
Happy thirtyness! Having made it halfway through mine, I can say I like them.
7claudia
wrote on 22 April 2009 at 6:26
Thirtyness is good. Fortyness is good too. Like you, Twentyness was something I was glad to leave behind. Happy Birthday!
8gayle
wrote on 22 April 2009 at 12:25
I wish I had known in my 30′s what it took me until my 40′s to learn. You’re way ahead of where I was at your age.
Now I’m in my 50′s, and that’s even better than 40′s.
Imagine how good it’s going to be in my 70′s!
9Jennifer
wrote on 22 April 2009 at 12:44
I loved turning 30. I have to admit 40 was a little hard, but I loved my 30′s. Enjoy!
10Birdsong
wrote on 22 April 2009 at 14:54
Happy Birthday! I agree about the 20s; they were filled with new experiences, but also overwhelming.
11Sydney
wrote on 22 April 2009 at 18:57
Happy Birthday! For me, every decade had it’s ups and downs but the 30s were much better than the 20s. The 30s were much more settled than the 20s, but not in a dull way at all.
12Plum Texan
wrote on 22 April 2009 at 19:54
Hell yes! God, the 20s were hard. Important, but very very hard.
The 30s? Are, in my just-over-halfway through experience, just as hard, yet somehow more rewarding. I was SO excited to turn 30, too. It’s been worth it so far.
And you wear it well!