nerd knits

FRIDAY

5:30 – Walk in to apartment to find boyfriend painting the headpiece for his costume. Look at your own costume, hanging on the coat rack, and realize that no work has been done on it today. Begin to panic. Talk self out of panic by reminding yourself that boyfriend also has an unfinished costume, and the sooner he gets his done, the sooner he can devote his attention to yours.

5:45 – Leave to drop car off at shop. “Enjoy” drive across town. Be delighted that boyfriend did, in fact, leave the house shortly after you, and that he is there to pick you up.

6:45 – Go to Disguises. Comment to boyfriend that it’s better this year than it was the year you had to go twice on Halloween afternoon, because said boyfriend dumped an entire bottle of liquid latex on the carpet. Enjoy squirming. Buy two pairs of gloves, a hat, and an imposing collar-thing.

7:30 – Go to dinner at Gunther Toody’s. Try deep friend pickles. Declare them weird, not too bad, but not worth $6. Have a vague sensation that this may be your last carefree moment for a couple days.

8:30 – Go home. Take shower.

9:00 – Put in Doctor Detroit. Start sewing sleeve #1.

11:00 – Fingers are in raging pain. Go perform miracles with your hair in hopes that curls might result.

11:10 – Try to help boyfriend with imposing collar-thing. Try to twist hair into knots and help boyfriend with collar-thing at same time. Give up on hair and help with the stupid collar-thing. Try to quell increasing panic and keep a sunny disposition, lest you and boyfriend both fall fully into panic.

SATURDAY (technically)

12:40 – Overcome collar-debacle (more or less). Finish hair. Ask boyfriend for help with the back. Pose for picture.

1:00 – Finish sleeve #1. Look at clock. Bite back panic so hard you whimper. Put in The Stepford Wives. Start sleeve #2.

4:00 – Back is in agony. Fingers are on fire. Doze off half-a-seam away from finishing sleeve #2. Give token argument when boyfriend takes over sewing and sends you to bed.

SATURDAY (acknowledged)

9:00 – Wake up when boyfriend comes to bed. Ask how far he got. Cry in relief at the answer, and smother him with kisses. Go back to sleep.

9:15 – Realize that going back to sleep isn’t going to happen. Begin to cry because your head is lumpy and your brains are being pulled through your scalp by your hair. Take down hair knots, put on a shower cap, and go back to bed.

10:30 – Phone rings. Car’s done. Can I pick it up later? We’re open till 5:00. Peachy. Back to sleep.

2:30 – Boyfriend’s alarm starts going off.

3:00 – Get out of bed. Throw on clothes. Go get car. Boyfriend picks up Subway on the way home.

3:45 – Arrive home. Check mail. Find this:

Alpaca With a Twist “Fino”, which I won from the Give a Little drawing, donated by Laurie. Sit on the couch for a full five minutes, petting the yarn and dreaming of a lace shawl for my mother.

3:55 – Start sewing back.

4:15 – Boyfriend arrives with food. Eat like you’ve never seen food before. Back to sewing.

5:00 – Finish sewing. Cry in relief. Try on costume. Boyfriend pronounces one of your gloves Not Right. Wrong Color. Too Short. Develop twitch over left eye.

5:15 – Get in car. Drive to closest costume shop. Park two blocks away. Buy pair of gloves. Go home.

5:45 – Put on costume. Put on new glove. Realize that new glove is same length as old glove. Scream “fuck” at the top of your lungs, scaring the bejeezus out of your boyfriend, who’s in the bathroom.

5:50 – Cobble together glove solution. Whatever. Close enough.

6:00 – Begin makeup.

7:30 – Finish makeup. Put on costume. Help boyfriend into his costume. Make last minute touch-ups.

8:00 – Pose for pictures for the blog.

8:30 – Arrive at party.

8:31 – Drink heavily. Flirt unrepentantly. Avoid karaoke avidly.

10:00 – Name friend’s “Conservative Talk Radio Host” getup as Scariest Costume at Party:

SUNDAY (technically)

1:30 (first time) – Begin to wonder if you’ve had too much to drink when your oldest and dearest (and drunkest) friend is asking you why you’re not married yet.

1:30 (second time) – Find boyfriend and apologize for what your oldest and dearest (and drunkest) friend might or might not say in his drunken stupor.

2:30 – Stumble towards car. Once again experience unfathomable gratitude that your boyfriend never drinks.

3:00 – Arrive home. Get in shower. Scrub off makeup and latex. At boyfriend’s suggestion, drink a buttload of water and take some aspirin.

3:45 – Fall into bed.

SUNDAY (acknowledged)

Lots of water. Head hurts. Video games. Thank the gods that it’s over.