It’s what I’ve been wanting, what I’ve been hoping for, what I’ve been working towards. I’m a traditional girl (in some few, select ways,) and I’m pleased to pieces that my life is finally coming together the way I’ve always wanted. I have the husband, we’re looking for the house, then we start the family. It’s all going to be perfect. We’ve gone to the credit union, we got the pre-approval for the mortgage, it is certainly a buyers’ market (and then some.) Everything is perfect.
Except that today, my beloved husband got laid off. Again. He’d gone back to work as a contractor at Idiots Becoming Managers when they came crawling back to him, and now that things were finally beginning to feel settled they tear our lives apart. Again.
The pre-approval is now a worthless piece of paper. There will be no house this year. There will be no pregnancy. There will only be another year of treading water.
It’s not all bad. We had been worrying about money. We had known that his job wasn’t terribly secure. We had been stressing out about the prospect of either having to rush the house-buying and moving, or pay astronomical rent for continuing our lease month-to-month indefinitely. All of this happening now made a lot of these decisions a lot easier. We’ll sign up for another year’s lease, keeping our rent payments down and giving us time to save up a bit more, find a more secure job for my sweetie, and work the timing out a bit better when next year – with any luck at all – we give all of this a shot again. It’s not the end of the world, and there’s even an obnoxious voice inside me that’s saying that perhaps this is all for the best.
It’s just crushingly disappointing. I so very much want to get out of this too-small apartment. I want to start our family. I want to have a real garden, where I can kill plants growing in real dirt instead of in a pot on my back patio. I want to be able to paint the walls, put in a funky tile backsplash, have a place that really feels like mine. Instead we get more money stress, more unemployment, more waiting.
I am so lucky in so many ways. I know that. I just thought things were finally going smoothly.