In an instant.
There are some changes in life that are slow progressions…you can see them coming. You can prepare. You can steel yourself – physically, emotionally, mentally – for the new ways that your life will unfold. Someone you loves falls ill and passes on. An engagement is announced, a wedding is planned, and a marriage takes place. A new life is conceived and your body swells as a precious child comes into your life. You work hard, save your money, and plan for retirement. All change is stressful, but having some warning that change is imminent can reduce that stress and make it bearable.
And then there are some changes in life that leap on you from out of the bushes, knock you on the head, and steal your lunch money.
Yesterday afternoon I was informed that I am being laid off. My last day is September 29.
Simply put, the department in charge of deciding how much money the managers receive to pay their underlings (“Resource Allocation”) decided to give my manger two-employees-worth less money for fourth quarter. As I am one of the two newest hires, I am considered the most expendable. I am assured that this has nothing to do with me, my performance, my abilities, or anything other than money. It’s simply the way that events fall out, we’re terribly sorry, good luck with the rest of your life.
So goodbye, spiffy cubicle. Goodbye, my first ever nameplate, with my name etched in plastic. Goodbye, living wage and health insurance. It’s been fun. Or not.
And while it is, of course, a kick in the gut, I am perhaps not as distraught as I might be. It’s no secret that I hate my job – that it’s not what I wanted, not what it was advertised to be, and that it’s slowly sucking out my very soul. Considering this, I was never planning on being here very long. I stayed because felt morally obligated to see this project through, to finish the work I was assigned, to get it all done so I could leave with a clean slate and a clear conscience. And suddenly, my slate is clean and my conscience clear. So while I sat here and listened to my contract manager tell me that my last day is not even a full two weeks away – while I sat and saw the sincerely sorry look in his eyes, while my heart beat in my chest like a frightened bird – I was struck by a heady rush of freedom. I’m done. I don’t have to see this through. I’m escaping. I’m free.
I am, in so many ways, lucky. Though there’s no question that this is a blow, emotionally and financially, it is wholly survivable. I have a wonderful man in my life whose job is (for the time being, at least) secure, and who is willing and able to help me make ends meet. I have parents who love me dearly and who spoil me rotten, who are not going to let me go hungry or cold, and who have the means to take care of me if it comes to that. And though I detest being a burden and depending on the charity of those who love me, I am reassured that this is something that I can live through. I will not be hungry, I will not be homeless, my bills will be paid, my cats will be fed. And, eventually, I will pay back those who help me, by whatever means necessary.
In an uncharacteristic display of optimism, I think that perhaps this turn of events is the Vast Ineffable Benevolence’s way of saying, “Hey…I’ve got something better in mind for you.” I think it’s a nudge, a gentle push to tell me that no paycheck, no little plastic name plate is worth the soul-sucking misery I’m going through. That there’s something better – more meaningful, more beautiful – for which I’m destined. That’s it’s time to let it all go and open myself up to possibility. Time for the blind leap into the darkness, to see what catches me.
So you can imagine that when I opened my fortune cookie after dinner at last night’s BloodShadow’s GM meeting, I had to laugh at the fortune contained within.
Okay, Vast Ineffable Benevolence. I’m listening. Now what?
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1Lizzy B
wrote on 20 September 2006 at 11:45
Congratulations and I’m Sorry. I’m not sure which is more appropriate.
First off, you know you are eligable for unemployment, right? Make sure you file as soon as you get your last paycheck. That should help some.
Maybe this was the nudge you needed to point you out of a rut. This could be the beginning of something wonderful. I sincerely hope it is. My condolences for the lost paycheck and congratulations on your new found freedom.
2Melanie
wrote on 20 September 2006 at 11:59
Do you ever get to the point where you wish to shake the Vast Ineffable Benevolence by the shoulders and say “enough with the character building opportunities”? Maybe that’s just me because I’m a slow learner.
Life’s too short to do a job you hate. Best of luck finding a new (and better) gig.
Also, the Universe appears to be telling you to knit fair isle.
3Rachel H
wrote on 20 September 2006 at 12:16
I’m betting this is one of those instances where ‘short term pain, long term gain’ kicks in, so I’m going to say Congratulations on the short term opportunity for more knitting time, and on the potential to find work that will give you more long term satisfaction.
That kick in the gut feeling is totally natural and understandable, but I believe you’ll be just fine. Better than fine even. With a really beautiful sweater to show for it.
)
4jillian
wrote on 20 September 2006 at 12:20
At least you’re being laid off from a job you hate
It is a double-edged sword, though. When we moved to LA, N worked at a dot com that went bust not too long after. He was happy to get severance when he was about to quit anyway because it was sucking out his soul too.
You’ll find something better!
5taelixev
wrote on 20 September 2006 at 12:31
Why is it that often blocks of life just fall into place so very perfectly? I hate that. It happens to me all the time.
Timing…
Just remember, you are awesome, and I will find a date that works for everyone. *heh*
6katie
wrote on 20 September 2006 at 12:32
Wow, you really know how to work the cosmos, don’t you? Wasn’t it just yesterday you said you wanted to knit the fair isle sweater full-time? Gimme some of that karma, girl!
Seriously though, as difficult as it is being told you’re being laid off, this is one situation where it will definitely work out to your benefit – choosing a new job you don’t loathe and not having to force yourself to see things through at the current one. What a relief!
Good luck on the job hunt!
7Lee Ann
wrote on 20 September 2006 at 12:35
The last time my husband was laid off from a job, he fairly danced into the house with a smile on his face. Of course, he’s a software developer with skills people kill for, so worry about where to go next was not on his radar screen, but it was SO clear that this job had been a huge mistake for him, and it was financially crappy to be laid off, but an utter relief not to have to deal with the horrible depression anymore. I used to meet him at lunch nearly every day just to serve as sounding board and boost his morale enough to get through the afternoon.
So, Congratufelicitohfucknowwhatbetterlifeaheadations. And a hug, too, because you need it. Limbo necessitates wicked big hugs.
8BigAlice
wrote on 20 September 2006 at 12:54
Wow. I’m sorry you’ve been laid off, but at the same time – congratulations! I know how fabulously wonderful it is to have a horrid project suddenly disappear, even if it also means no paycheck. It was surprising how much my happiness level went up, just to be free of that. (I think my tolerance for sucky employment situations is pretty low)
9Carrie
wrote on 20 September 2006 at 13:10
I’m sorry, and congratulations! I felt that feeling once, and I still giggle on occasion, when, five years later, I remember that I never ever have to go into that den of hatred again. Here’s hoping that good and lucrative things are heading your way, soon.
10Carrie
wrote on 20 September 2006 at 13:13
Oh yeah, and you might wanna play those lottery numbers.
11Carole
wrote on 20 September 2006 at 13:16
Losing a job is scary. Sounds like you’ve got it all in perspective and I’ll bet a better job comes your way really soon.
12karenology
wrote on 20 September 2006 at 13:34
Yikes. I’m glad you are taking it so well, yet getting laid off sucks, so I’m not sure what to say. Sorry-lations? Congrat-olences? Either way, good luck with the search and maybe now you’ll have more time to work on Donegal
13--Deb
wrote on 20 September 2006 at 13:36
Yes, losing a job you hate isn’t THAT horrible as these things go . . . even though it’s still a shock, still a blow to the self-esteem. (“Darn, I wanted to leave THEM, not have them kick me out!”) It sounds like you’ve got the right attitude, though . . . lots and lots of luck!
14Laura
wrote on 20 September 2006 at 13:44
MMmm. Yep. Changes happen, huh? I was layed off from my last job and the HR manager was looking at me very strangely as I was doing a happy dance all the way back to clean out my desk. heh Sometimes it sucks to deal with changes, sometimes it’s exactly what you’ve been praying for but didn’t expect to receive.
I guess now you don’t have to quit your job to work on the fair isle sweater, eh???
15Miriam
wrote on 20 September 2006 at 14:03
Now you should move to Utah, live next door to me (I’ll kick the weird guy out for you) and we can knit to action movies while C and Bradon mud into the wee hours of the morning. It will be GREAT!
16ellie
wrote on 20 September 2006 at 14:42
Oh wow, I so know that feeling! The pain and relief at the same time. I know you’ll find something so much better, so much more rewarding. Enjoy the search as much as possible.
17caroline
wrote on 20 September 2006 at 15:42
Chica, the exact same thing happened to me a year ago almost exactly to the day. I had a longer lead time (job ended 12/31) and a severance pkg (I’d been there 7 years) but it has been the best thing ever. I was in a fog for quite a while mind you, but the VIB does indeed move in mysterious ways. Like the others said, I’m sorry and congratulations. And maybe you should at least try Utah out like Mim said. I”m headed out there on Sunday (driving). Gonna try it out for 2 months. Want me to swing by and pick you up?
18Kris
wrote on 20 September 2006 at 17:43
Wow, you definately need to play the lottery tonight. In fact, I’ll give you 5 bucks to play for me.
Congratulations. I am currently getting the life sucked out of me by my current job, but as a parent and sole source of income in our house, quitting isn’t an option. You will definately find something out there that is better for you.
19Elisabeth
wrote on 20 September 2006 at 18:03
I remember getting laid off from a crappy job. It was an emotionally confusing experience. I seem to remember watching a lot of HGTV (I do this during times of high stress, I’m not sure why but it makes things seem better). Anyway, the next job I had was wonderful and I bet it will be that way for you, too. Nothing like a horrible job to help you figure out what you _don’t_ want in the next job.
And, as everyone has pointed out, you will now have loads of time to work on Donegal. Given the timing of your layoff, I think the knitting goddess is anxious to have you work on it!
20sunflowerfairy
wrote on 20 September 2006 at 19:11
Oh Nerdie. I’m sorry.
Everything happens for a reason.
Promise.
((NERDIE))
21Diane
wrote on 20 September 2006 at 19:44
I’m right there with you. I got notified that my job left me the end of last month. However, I do have an interview tomorrow, so might not be laid off anymore. To be honest, it doesn’t matter to me either way. No job…new opportunities; yes job, more into the pension. Either way, it will work out.
Hang in there…I bet you’ve already given some thought on what’s next.
22Debi
wrote on 20 September 2006 at 20:24
Change is always difficult but sometimes the Universe releases us in a more timely fashin that we even realized. Good luck in finding thatbetter place!
23Debbie
wrote on 21 September 2006 at 8:36
You’re dealing beautifully in a scary-exciting situation. Fingers crossed for something really neat, really soon.
24Erin
wrote on 21 September 2006 at 11:27
It sounds to me like I don’t have to give you a message of condolence, rather a message of congratulations is in order! It never ceases to amaze me how perfectly things work out sometimes. Of course, a lot people don’t even see the connections or, at the very least, the bright side of the situation. It doesn’t look to me like you have the problem at all. Good for you!
25Mouse
wrote on 21 September 2006 at 14:32
I’ve been fired from jobs that I hated but didn’t want to quit before and it was such a relief to be free to do othter things.. I wish you the best!
26Nicole
wrote on 21 September 2006 at 15:54
Whatever’s next, I’m sure yo’ll handle it well. Thanks for the reminder that sometimes change happens to us, and that sometimes we need to happen to change.
27Chris
wrote on 22 September 2006 at 8:43
Hmm. Do I say I’m sorry to hear about your job or glad?!
Excellent timing on the fortune cookie! I’m sure you’ll find something great.
28Vanessa
wrote on 22 September 2006 at 10:02
The same thing happened to me umm… 8 years ago? lol I was somewhat devastated (had 16 years in there) but on the other hand as it’s turned out it was definitely for the best! Good luck and hugs
29Carrie K
wrote on 23 September 2006 at 11:27
Knitting! Layoffs suck regardless, at the very least, it’s the principle. But yes, survivable. Argh. I keep erasing. Good thoughts!